The "It's been a Year" post

This time last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer and our lives were changed in a heartbeat. One day I was living my normal life, the next I was a statistic ... one of the 'one-in-nine's. As my long suffering readers will know, I was fortunate that it was caught early enough for successful treatment ...
but oh, my goodness, what a year it has been for us all.

For the first few months, life passed in a blur .... with so many hospital appointments, the operation and radiotherapy treatments ....  flowers, cards, gifts and people calling to see how you are. But then it all stopped, and I was on my own really. I found that, after all the treatment had ended, while my body was healing .... my mind was in a total mess ...  people think you're fine because it's all over, but I was in a much worse state afterwards. Only my closest family knew how I mixed up I was.

I despise taking the Tamoxifen, which might be keeping the cancer at bay, but has given me no end of miserable side effects ... from sleeplessness to constant mouth ulcers, and more ....
There's no question of not taking it for another four years, so I'm just learning to live with it.
I've had terrible ups and downs ... I'm blaming the medication but it might just be that I've turned into a 'grumpy old woman' because I'm a whole year older! I've turned into a right moaner ...

I struggled going back to work ... although I don't actually mind the job when I'm there, I find it difficult having to get up at 6 am these days, and driving for 40 minutes through heavy traffic to get there, and I hate the fact that there aren't enough hours in the day.... I long to spend more time at home.
And in work itself ... five months on, I still feel I'm on a different page from every one else. When they're all stressing about trivial things, I find I couldn't care less .... because I found out, the hard way, that there's far more important things in life than which colour exercise books we should get for next year. Some things are just not important enough to agonise over.
I like being with the children, but my relationship with a few of the staff has changed completely. I just can't be bothered with some of them ... isn't that terrible! Having six months out of the workplace has changed the way I see things in so many ways.

Oh my goodness, what a miserable post!!!

Let's look at some positives .....

* I am cancer free!!! A mammogram a few weeks ago was clear!
* This week, for the first time in ages, I actually feel quite well again. I don't feel as tired because I've been sleeping a bit better.
* I try to make the best of every day, and try to do something nice, even if it's only walking the dog in the evening.
* My husband and I make a conscious effort to spend much more time together now and we have a 'date' night each Wednesday, as well as something nice at the weekend
* I always have something arranged to look forward to ... we've made sure that we are living our lives now and not letting it slip through our fingers. We're very much in the 'You only get one go at this life" frame of mind!
* I'm changing year groups in September ... to give myself a fresh challenge with new topics to teach (and to move away from staff who are 'too stressy' for my new life)
* We've planned a date when I can retire ... a few years off yet, but not too far! I can see the end in sight!!!

I feel like I'm finally emerging from a very dark place ... maybe this first anniversary will let me put it all behind me and move on at last.... and I'll try not to mention it again!