There have been days recently when I have felt a bit of a fraud ... I look fine ... I'm healing well, although I do get incredibly tired most afternoons.... and the question of my return to work pops into my head. Much as I would love to continue my life of leisure, at sometime in the future, I know I have to return to normality.
Some days I feel guilty about being away from school. I know my good friend and Year 3 partner, Linda, is carrying a heavy weight without me there ... I know what it's like, because I felt exactly the same when she was on maternity leave a few years ago. (Fellow teachers will understand this guilt.)
Over the weekend I even drew up a lovely colour coded plan for a phased return to work after half term ... starting with one morning a week and building up gradually to full time just before Christmas.
A chat with my GP this morning, blew that out of the water. 'Oh no', she said, 'that's far too early ... radiotherapy is brutal and you will still be feeling tired'.
Anyway, this afternoon I drove into work, still a bit undecided about it all. The Y3 classrooms are being refurbished and redesigned over half term and I wanted to make sure it didn't all go ahead without my thoughts on the subject ... so I came in for a site meeting with the architect.
My commute is about 40 minutes, and as I got closer to school I began to feel very strange ... very wobbly. An overwhelming feeling of 'I can't do this' came over me ...
I had to find Mr. B. quickly and talk to him first so I wouldn't burst into tears in front of my friends. Most unlike me ... I am not the sort of person who dissolves into tears ... well, I never used to be, but I suppose I've changed a lot over the past 4 months.
He calmed me down, and I was able to go ahead with the meeting, and even managed to laugh a bit too. If it all goes to plan, my new classroom will be lovely!
After today, at least I know that I am most definitely not ready to return to work ... but I'm left with a worry about how I'm ever going to go back at all! The longer I'm away the harder it gets! I love being at home!
Art Journal
Some thoughts and pictures from the
Beautiful Paradise Peninsula
(otherwise known as the Wirral)
Beautiful Paradise Peninsula
(otherwise known as the Wirral)
Monday, 27 September 2010
Sunday, 26 September 2010
A Postcard from Borrowdale ...
We spent the weekend in one of my favourite places ... the Lake District. We took our caravan up to the Caravan Club site at Low Manesty.
We pitched up in Manesty Woods, on the shores of Derwentwater in the Borrowdale valley. The waters were a bit choppy on Friday afternoon.
A fresh wind was blowing across the lake, but we knew our caravan was waiting for us, all warm and cosy.
On Saturday we headed into Keswick for a stroll around the market, before walking down to the lake at Grasmere.
We pitched up in Manesty Woods, on the shores of Derwentwater in the Borrowdale valley. The waters were a bit choppy on Friday afternoon.
A fresh wind was blowing across the lake, but we knew our caravan was waiting for us, all warm and cosy.
On Saturday we headed into Keswick for a stroll around the market, before walking down to the lake at Grasmere.
.... where Inca had her usual swim
... one very wet dog. It's never too cold for swimming!
The signs of the changing season were all around us .... the leaves are turning ...
..berries are weighing branches down ...
the forest floor is crunchy underfoot...
...weird and wondeful fungi ...
and the surest sign that summer has finished?
We are bundled up in our duvet jackets!
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
WOYWW
I've seen these letters on so many posts around blogworld and it's taken me weeks to work out what they mean ... well now I know!
WHAT'S ON YOUR WORKDESK WEDNESDAY!
Well, my workdesk is messy as usual:
Well, my workdesk is messy as usual:
I've started making Christmas cards
... I've finished quite a few, and others are in various stages of completion
This lovely book has been on my desk for about a year and a half
... I'm waiting to pluck up the courage to actually make something out of it
I've been collecting some fabrics with a Christmas Angel in my mind ...
but sewing is not really my thing at all ....
... so I've been practising with something much easier
... I've still got a long way to go!
Meanwhile, I've started making a waistcoat .....
I recently bought one on the High Street for a small fortune,
and I thought, I could make one of those myself ...
and I thought, I could make one of those myself ...
by the time I bought the wool, the pattern and the needles there's not much difference in price ...
but this will give me great satisfaction!
Well, that's the theory ... we'll see how it goes.
My problem is, as you can see from this post, that I flit from one thing to another
and nothing much gets finished!
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Congratulations Edd!
I'm so pleased that Edd won The Great British Bake Off ... such a talented and unassuming young man!
Much as I admired Ruth's work, I'm always put off by frighteningly efficient people ...
Much as I admired Ruth's work, I'm always put off by frighteningly efficient people ...
I've really enjoyed watching this series, and will be bereft next week without my fix!
I loved the credits at the end where we found out what all the contestants are doing now ... for many it must have been a life changing experience!
Sunday, 19 September 2010
A Postcard from Burton ...
On our trips around our local area over the summer, we visited Burton, a picture postcard village not very far from us.

This is a charming little village, full of whitewashed, stone-walled, thatched cottages ....
.. with a fine parish church....
... and the wonderful Burton Manor, once the home of the son of William Gladstone, and now a venue for adult courses ... like photography, local history, music, and all sorts of crafts.
The best part for us, is a lovely walk through the woods behind the village ....
We didn't find the remains of the old mill ....
.... but we did stumble across a crocodile.
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Blogging with substance ...
Wow! I've just been sent a lovely blog award by Heather from The Patchwork Heart
I'm thrilled to think that someone out there is actually reading my ramblings ... and likes it!
So, a big thank you and hug for Heather!
Now I have to sum up my blogging philosophy, motivation and experience in five words, and then pass the award on to ten more bloggers who I love to read.
Hard to sum up blogging in five words
but here you go:
friendly
***
communication
***
diary
***
inspiring
***
compulsive
I want to pass this award on to a group of people who have been reading my blog and leaving the most wonderful, uplifting comments on my ups and downs over the past few months ....
Rosie at Corners of my Mind
Lyn at Everyday Life
Diane at Heart Shaped
Lisa at Jumble and Jelly
Simone at Linden Grove
Ros at Snoopydogknits
and last but not least my daughter at Recent Treats
Thank you all so much!
If you're not familiar with any of these blogs, why not pop over and have a peep!
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
The Story of the Field ...
Once upon a time, long ago, a man and his wife wanted to live somewhere quiet and peaceful, and they searched and they searched until they found a little bungalow....


A few of us still gather round a bonfire on warm balmy evenings, with a glass of wine, watching bats circling above our heads.
We could live the Good Life and be self sufficient, but none of us have the time to do that at the moment, apart from one neighbour who is retired. He grows veg and keeps bees, and sells his honey locally. One or two people tried keeping hens in the early days, but Mr Fox won in the end! It was too heartbreaking for words.We all planted some apple trees which are incredibly prolific ... we are considering investing in a cider press for next year.


They've all outgrown the games of their childhood. They now range in age from 17 to 27, two live and work away from home, one has travelled for a year in New Zealand, one works as a trainee engineer, and two are ready for university, one is still at school in. Year 13. I'm sure they will remember the field all their lives!
Behind their house was a farmer's field ... sometimes it grew potatoes ... sometimes it grew stinky cabbages or sprouts ... sometimes nothing grew ... it was just left when the farmer was too busy to bother about it.
Time passed and the man and his wife had two lovely children and they didn't didn't worry too much about the field ... they were far too busy .... until one day. .. as they were driving home they saw a notice on the field:

Oh my goodness, the man and the woman said, and so did all their neighbours, what will happen to our lovely view? What will happen to our peace and quiet? ... what on earth shall we do? Then a wise man from down the road came up with a plan - why don't we all buy the field ourselves! So the man and the woman and all their neighbours had to beg for pennies from their bank managers, and they went along to the auction and managed to buy the field for a lot more pennies than they were expecting to pay!
On the day the documents were signed a rainbow magically appeared in the sky and they were all very happy. It was a good sign.
Now the hard work began. The farmer had neglected the field for a long time and the neighbours had to hire a tractor to cut the long grass ...
... all the children watched from a safe distance
... the men and women toiled in the field for many weeks, cutting back the undergrowth and brambles ... until the day finally came to have a big celebration .... with a huge bonfire, and good things to eat and drink!
... the children played in the field all summer long and they all lived happily ever after!
That was 16 years ago when our children were 7 and 2 .... and we share the one and half acres with five other families. It is protected Green Belt land, so no-one could ever build houses on it, but we saved it from other forms of development. (The field behind the houses opposite us now has flood lit stables).
Our children all had the most charmed of childhoods ... free to roam in very safe surroundings. One family installed a swing at the far end, one of the grandads built the best den in the far corner, another father put up goalposts and we had a climbing frame. They hid in ditches and got very dirty. They learned about nature ... my son and his little partner in crime went through a phase of bringing us a series of dead things that fascinated them. Ugh!

We have badgers in the lane behind the field and there are always foxes around. As we are very close to the River Dee, which is a paradise for bird watchers, we have a steadily changing stream of winged visitors who stop off on their long migration journeys.
We've had birthday parties in the field, with team games and bouncy castles ... we celebrated the Millennium together with all our families and had the most amazing firework display ... we've gathered again to celebrate the field's 10th birthday .... and we even had a wonderful party in the field for my parents' Golden WeddingA few of us still gather round a bonfire on warm balmy evenings, with a glass of wine, watching bats circling above our heads.
We could live the Good Life and be self sufficient, but none of us have the time to do that at the moment, apart from one neighbour who is retired. He grows veg and keeps bees, and sells his honey locally. One or two people tried keeping hens in the early days, but Mr Fox won in the end! It was too heartbreaking for words.We all planted some apple trees which are incredibly prolific ... we are considering investing in a cider press for next year.
Sadly, some of the neighbours have felt the need to put up fences ... which is against our early principles, and the field is so maintained now the wildness has gone. It almost looks like a park.
But it still gives us the most wonderful view from our windows and affords us the peace and tranquility we were searching for all those years ago, when we first bought this house.... and Inca loves to run in the field as fast as she can on her way to her 'walkies'.
And the field gang?
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