Some days I feel guilty about being away from school. I know my good friend and Year 3 partner, Linda, is carrying a heavy weight without me there ... I know what it's like, because I felt exactly the same when she was on maternity leave a few years ago. (Fellow teachers will understand this guilt.)
Over the weekend I even drew up a lovely colour coded plan for a phased return to work after half term ... starting with one morning a week and building up gradually to full time just before Christmas.
A chat with my GP this morning, blew that out of the water. 'Oh no', she said, 'that's far too early ... radiotherapy is brutal and you will still be feeling tired'.
Anyway, this afternoon I drove into work, still a bit undecided about it all. The Y3 classrooms are being refurbished and redesigned over half term and I wanted to make sure it didn't all go ahead without my thoughts on the subject ... so I came in for a site meeting with the architect.
My commute is about 40 minutes, and as I got closer to school I began to feel very strange ... very wobbly. An overwhelming feeling of 'I can't do this' came over me ...
I had to find Mr. B. quickly and talk to him first so I wouldn't burst into tears in front of my friends. Most unlike me ... I am not the sort of person who dissolves into tears ... well, I never used to be, but I suppose I've changed a lot over the past 4 months.
He calmed me down, and I was able to go ahead with the meeting, and even managed to laugh a bit too. If it all goes to plan, my new classroom will be lovely!
I suppose it will be daunting at first when you go back but then it will be like you were never away!!! I have been off work for 12 years now and I don't know how I would fit into the work place anymore. Don't feel guilty. Get yourself 100 percent better before getting back on the rollercoaster!!! x
ReplyDeleteOh dear! I can sympathise completely with a fellow Year 3 teacher :) About 13 years ago now, I was at home for 10 months, following a car accident. I felt almost as though I were two totally different people. One, was the busy teacher who dearly loved her job and wanted to get back to the children and my friends, but the other, was the very happy homemaker who was enjoying the cocoon of stressfree days at home. I'm sure you loose lots of confidence in the cocoon and teaching demands a high level of quick thinking and decision making. Suffice it to say, I had several very mixed up, tearful wobbles before I returned; even though I had told doctors I would be returning on a certain date, whether they signed me 'back in' or not. I guess that degree of 'bolshiness' tipped the balance :) Thinking of you! Ros
ReplyDeleteKathy dont do it! NO NO NO! School will still be there next year and just think how much easier itll be in the light spring weather. Enjoy your time off, relax and recover properly!
ReplyDeleteHeather x
Kathy your determination to go to that meeting shows that deep down you do still love your job and once you are more recovered you will find that you perhaps need to do it. Enjoy the time you are having to yourself, when the time is right you will be ready for new challenges and wonder how you managed to stay sane at home! I wish you the very best on your road to recovery..one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteTake it a step at a time and you will get there but take time to take those steps, don't rush but meander along the way looking at other things and take time for yourself. Is there a possibility of going back gently one or two days or mornings a week to start with? Take carexx
ReplyDeleteJust take it easy and do as your doctor tells you. You'll be no good to anybody if you rush things. Look after yourself. xxxx
ReplyDeletePlease don't rush back.As a retired teacher I know how hard the job is and how tiring it is even when you are fully fit.Just think you are giving someone supply work!Enjoy your time at home and be guided by your GP and don't feel guilty.Us teachers are all the same.When I think of all the times I went in when I just wasn't fit.My daughter has got Year 3 this year after teaching 5 and 6 for a number of years.
ReplyDeleteKathy...although I don't work directly in a class now I still work in education. School life is just so stressful...something I don't think you can explain to someone unless they have experienced it.
ReplyDeleteI know it was for a different reason but last christmas I was off work for nearly two months...I went back too early....not good :(
Do please take care of yourself my lovely.
I know you love your job....otherwise you wouldn't be a lovely teacher like you clearly are...but put yourself first.
Your health is always so much more important
Take care hunny
((Big hugs))
Karen x x x
I agree with all the above, It is such a demanding job and you will need to be 100% to be able to do it well, take your time, listen to your doctor and your body,
ReplyDeletelove
Lyn
xxx
Dr knows best! And your body told you something you need to heed too. Take it easy. You've been through so much physically and emotionally.
ReplyDeleteGet crafting and you'll wonder how you'll fit work in again!
Lisa x
I know it must be hard, but do remember, if you try to rush things too much, you will wind up going backwards. Can you do something simple from home, maybe put together an art project for the kids, sort of a lesson in a box? Either way, don't feel guilty, you have no choice in the matter.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Kat
My hubby's a teacher and I know how much energy, physically and emotionally, that the job takes out of you. I think one of the things about recovering is that you feel a little better, do a little more, then feel worse! It's really hard when others are carrying extra work but one thing I do know is that somehow if you're present at work people expect you to be running at 100% even if they know you're not really well - so it's important to wait till you're properly better - but of course you know this! I do hope you will know when the time is right, and in the meantime enjoy every day at home! xx
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